Motivational

What a strange day! Started off great - walked John to school and back, and was really being conscious of what I was eating. I had a lot of errands to do and thought a lot about stopping at a bakery or fast food restaurant. But I didn't! My afternoon went horribly awry and I came home blaming my husband for all of my problems and issues. Hmmmm.....that almost seems fair. I really wanted to eat and was not sure how to handle these feelings without food so I meditated. My thoughts were really spinning and building up to no good. When I meditate daily, this doesn't happen. I haven't been. My computer and HW binder went upstairs to the unfinished studio and away from the kitchen.... Read more...

I am doing pretty well calorie-wise, which has been good. I am definitely feeling more in control in that area of weight loss. On the other hand I have only been able to get my walk in once out of the last 3 days, which is very frustrating. There have been good reasons as to why, however it still doesn't make me feel any better. Hopefully I will get one in later today, and if not tomorrow is a new day...

Yesterday I went out and bought a hair colour.  This is significant to me because it is one of those things I was always going to do "when I lost the weight". 

I have been holding off on doing my hair for years thinking I should be skinny before I colour my hair.  Sounds crazy I guess but true! 

You had told me to learn to like myself now...otherwise I will be disappointed when I "lose the weight" so I am trying to do things as my rewards for small goals reached instead of when I reach my end goal. 

My hope is that this can only build my self confidence making it easier to continue to stay motivated. And maybe, just maybe I can learn to like myself just the way I am.

I have been thinking today about how much I enjoy the focus of this program. I am beginning to lose the inner voice that has labeled me as worthless when I eat foods that are not good for me.

Once the foods are no longer so negatively charged, they seem to lose their allure and quantity is much easier to control. This whole rewinding of the inner tapes is an interesting process. I bought a coat today. I did not buy the one that has extra room in it to grow or to wear a heavy sweater under.

The one I bought is quite form fitting and looks very stylish instead of lumpy and slumpy. I have been so afraid of looking ridiculous -imagine a fat person trying to look stylish- that I have kept up a very dowdy look.... Read more...

So after much debate, I stepped on the scale this morning. To my surprise I was down 4lbs than the last time I weighed myself 2 weeks ago. This is despite the fact that I'd say only 50% of the days my calorie intake has been lower than 2500.

I've been doing really well the last few days and have even been surprised at the amount of calories I'm at when I go to look at dinner I'm surprisingly satisfied with what I'm eating. I'm trying to keep in mind that this is the honeymoon stage of a new road, the challenge will be to keep it going once the honeymoon wears off. I think that's why I'm so reluctant to get excited over my progress.... Read more...

As I write this I am realizing that the way I am feeling is potentially "dangerous" in terms of Emotional Eating.

As you know we have visitors here, good visitors but visitors nonetheless. I am very aware that time alone benefits me but is in short commodity at the moment. So today I am..."out of sorts" nothing is really wrong but, nothing is really right either.... Read more...

I had actually written another entry prior to this last one, I had trouble sending it and, obviously, it was lost.
It is not simple to attempt a repeat, but it was important to me so I am going to try.
We had talked about some pressure being a good thing to motivate and cause a continuance of weight loss. But the next day I realised that I was experiencing a real pull by some old behaviours.

I believe I was experiencing fear of failing, falling short of this goal, of unraveling the progress already made, I had lost sight of mindfulness and let a form of fearfulness have its way. Should I stay and fully embrace all that I had learned and take action at this point through this goal? Or should I go and fully abandon myself to my old patterns and...quit? ... Read more...

I try and write positive experiences in my inventory - I find reflecting on positive keeps me in a positive frame of mind.  ... Read more...