Emotional

Motivation is waning a bit. Went to step class yesterday and went for a walk today. Did the whole class any only stopped once.

Soon I'm going to add a riser.

Really being aware of how my hormones affect my mood. This 'time of the month' is very challenging and very interesting.

So I had a meltdown - a crying, binge eating, knock out meltdown before Christmas. And I gave up, temporarily, for two weeks. I was in such a stressed out, exhausted and emotional state that I just gave up. But somewhere in the back of my mind was a little, tiny voice that kept saying "you still want to accomplish this". Dec 27th - I reassessed and had a good hard look at why I haven't been able to accomplish this goal of weight loss for a straight 10 years. And Drew's blog post arrived at the same moment I made a discovery. I have been actively studying this "natural horsemanship" method of trainig my horse for 2 years now (my passion and my sanity).... Read more...

Today I feel like an adict that has had their fix taken away. The desire to come home and just eat today was strong. I got a letter from the government saying I owed them 3,500.00!!!!!!

Thus sending me into a spiral because I felt it was something I couldn't control. I called the 1 800 line and found out I could apeal their decission. Something I WILL be doing.

I think that because i "delt" with that monkey I was able to gain some of the control back. So, Didn't attact my fridge. lol.

I make a plan and then it goes bust.

People say lets go out to eat, I say OK!

People say have a piece of pie and put it in my face I say OK!

What is my proplem why can't I say NO!

UUHHGG!

Here is Carrie's Insider Story. Like all Insider Stories, you will see my personal feedback as the first comment below. Carrie's story is well worth the read, but if you are short on time see the high lights in bold.

I seem to self sabotage allot.  I get on a roll, feeling really well, then "boom" I slide off the path and can't seem to get back on track for anything.

I am aware of what's going on at the surface - I have somehow disconnected my head to the rest of me.... Read more...

I am really tired.

There is an intensity that surrounds me, I feel it could envelope and overwhelm me if I am not careful. I wonder is it possible to be in this intense environment but not be part of it? I think it is. I'm trying and I am being careful.

I go out to Waterloo park at lunch and walk around the pond or sit and read by the ducks, it is quite restful.

Now the day doesn't miraculously burst into rainbows but, I feel that I gain a healthy prospective and can return to work refreshed.

You know I really do not like writing about "me" and "I" all the time it doesn't sit right...not being modest just honest. ... Read more...

I have just finished listening to Lesson #5. Confidence.
People with confidence amaze me. I often find myself watching them. It fascinates me. I have often wondered how they do it. I think I would like to have confidence such as that.

Is it truly possible to gain this confidence simply by challenging negative thinking? How does one actually shift confidence from one area into this one?

In my profession (I dislike the word - job) I have gained skills and knowledge, which gives me an ability to operate with strength, integrity  and, I hope, a measure of wisdom also. Is this confidence or simply the outcome... Read more...

I'm writing this while I'm at work because I need to confess that I ate 12 packs of those stupid cookies.

That is a grand total of 660 calories and I am promising myself and you I will not touch one more today.

Yep today is all I can promise but right now that is good enough to get me through. What really stinks is that after choking down all those boring, dry cookies for 'only God knows why'..

...someone brought in fresh, huge, yummy looking cookies. By that time I had promised myself not to eat anymore cookies today so I didn't. I was disappointed.....I was 'angry' that I binged.....but I am over it now and starting again.

Thank God you don't have to pay a re-joining fee every time you screw up.